Embracing your Brain (and all the shit that comes with it) | Recognizing Depression & Anxiety

My Garden Before reading, take a look at the video I linked. ↑ Last summer, my boyfriend and I started our own garden and this summer, we made it our goal to do another. Except, this year we started majority of our plants from seeds. Unfortunately, many of the seedlings died - we probably overwatered, or just killed them because of the lack of attention and limited proper growing conditions needed.  Out of 72 seed pods, only 1 tomato, 3 cucumbers, and 2 jalapeños made it. We had to go out and buy some more plants, including ghost peppers, bell peppers, and cow horn peppers. This week, we finally replanted them in their pots. Granted, I completely noticed the sense of control I was placing on the importance of starting this project (and the nagging I expressed to my boyfriend), but it feels so reassuring to know our garden is done and ready to be left alone. Nonetheless, our veggies are growing like crazy and him and I are definitely trying to not neglect them this year. 

This week has been busy, filled with work and making sure I'm prepared for my final days at my practicum. My job is not easy. I work as a behavioral health technician, meaning I teach deviant adolescents and teenagers proper social skills and how to manage their emotions. I love my job, but it is not easy. The things I witness and get called, many individuals would not last. My skin has gotten tough and it'll probably get tougher as I continue working there. Nonetheless, the minimal good moments outweigh the bad. These kids I work with have been exposed to trauma, abuse, and neglect - someone needs to provide support and reassurance when things go south.  Like I said, work has been so stressful. On Saturday, I worked from 7:00am to 11:00pm, that's 17 hours, with two 30 minute breaks. When I went on my second break of the day, I was emotionally drained. I needed something to eleviate the negativity within my head, so I listened to my favorite music playlist on Spotify.

Not going to lie, this year has been really rough for me. I started an entirely new chapter in my book called, "Life." Except this chapter is called, "The moment Rachel Leaves, something bad happens," and that is exactly what happened. I moved away to start my masters program in a city not too far from home. I was so excited to earn my master's degree, the first in my family. Walking to class one Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from my dad, hysterically crying, "she's gone, momma's gone." Losing my mother was my biggest fear. Weeks away from successfully discharging from my long-term therapist, I found myself wrapped back in for at least another year of therapy sessions. On top of my grief for my mother, my depression and anxiety have magnified. The stressors of school, my job, and the relationship with my father have created a roller coaster ride, with me in the front seat. It has been 10 months since my mother's death and